AP/STT.  Helsinki, Dec 5th, 6:22 AM.  For immediate release.

In order to allay fears about the continuity of the Linux project, Linus Torvalds together with his manager Tove Monni have released "Linus v2.0", affectionately known as "Kernel Hacker - The Next Generation".

Linux stock prices on Wall Street rose sharply after the announcement; as one well-known analyst who wishes to remain anonymous says - "It shows a long-term commitment, and while we expect a short-term decrease in productivity, we feel that this solidifies the development in the long run".

Other analysts downplay the importance of the event, and claim that just about anybody could have done it.  "I'm glad somebody finally told them about the birds and the bees" one sceptic comments cryptically.  But even the skeptics agree that it is an interesting turn of events.

Others bring up other issues with the new version - "I'm especially intrigued by the fact that the new version is female, and look forward to seeing what the impact of that will be on future development.  Will "Red Hat Linux" change to "Pink Hat Linux", for example?"

— Linus Torvalds announcing that he became father of a girl